pindrops on tiles

I love my scoot

this post has no point other than to state this

yes, all of you needed to know

this is going to be sappy; deal with it

Can I just rewind the whole weekend? ‘Cos that’d be great. Time is stupid and runs away too fast when I want more of it.

I’m tired and content and sad and just — ugh, I don’t even know.

He makes me feel so ineffably comfortable that I just want to curl up with him for hours on end. I’ve never felt so at peace with anyone else before in my life. He’s warm and perfect and the right mix of everything. I feel like I’ve known him for as long as I’ve drawn breath and yet I’ve only seen him in person six times.

He left for the long drive home a while ago and it still feels like he’s going to walk back through that door, saying, “Oh, just kidding! You know how I do,” with a wink.

It’s really trying, only seeing someone once per month. It was nearly two months since the last time I was actually able to hug him or hold his hand. I can’t even begin to describe how deeply frustrating it is when all you want to do is be with someone and it’s just not possible.

He’s not even been gone an hour and it already feels like it’s been ages.

Life, can everything just fall into place or something? I really want this to be a thing. A real, constant, physical thing. A thing that includes an apartment somewhere and just me and him and some good, steady jobs. I’d give just about anything for that right now.

I will tickle you all I want.

I know ALL THE PLACES for tickling.

ALL OF THEM.

dat squinty face

I really want to write this really long and drawn out post about everything, but it’s most likely that it would be “obnoxiously cute,” as my roommate casually commented this afternoon.

The tl;dr is I haven’t been this happy in a very, very long time. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt this great. I just feel… emotionally healthy. And that’s a miracle, considering last semester’s various sorts of complications.

And I feel confident. Confidence is something I’ve never had. I’ve never been fully confident about myself, my body, my feelings, my direction in life… nothing. But that’s changed. And I hope it continues.

All I want to say is that there were tons of possibilities of things that could have happened in the past that might have prevented all of this. A single decision could have stopped the events leading up to the present from occurring. And yet, in spite of all of this, by pure happenstance, everything unfolded in a particular way.

And I’m grateful. No matter what happens, I will always be grateful. This is one of the best things to have ever happened to me. I’m going to remember. I’m going to remember for a long, long time.

Solamente que quiero que seas tú.